There came a time in my recovery when I became aware of something missing, some imbalance. I was aware of my shortcomings and had become more willing to make amends and changes. The image of me emerging from the peeling back of the layers of an onion left me with the question, “Now what?”
One more time my Higher Power had brought me to a challenge: to keep growing. I was more than shortcomings, and the Fourth Step had asked me to see my assets, strengths, and gifts. So, during my morning quiet time with “HP,” I accepted the challenge of becoming more like myself—like the me that my Higher Power knows lies within. With trepidation, I admitted that I did have gifts and talents. The next step was to recite them to myself and believe that this was my truth. This did not come easily, and at times I felt like a fraud. And now the scariest awareness of all had appeared—I needed to use them.
This has been my challenge and my joy. It took courage to step into my new world, which meant that I needed to take risks. I take away from our literature that growth, though painful, is worth seeking. I used to think that only famous people were talented, that only musicians, actors, artists, and athletes had gifts. Today, I know that is not true. In As We Understood… (B-11), there is a wonderful reading that tells me we all have gifts, and I found this comforting.
Today, my image of growth is a rose. It begins with a tight bud. Gradually, a tinge of color becomes visible, then petals slowly appear. And as the sun shines upon it, the rose unfurls more petals, and its color deepens until it reaches its full magnificence. This is my journey now, to sit in my Higher Power’s warmth and grow my talents.
By Janet H., Ontario
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.