Arriving at the Al-Anon rooms, I felt out of my element hearing a different “language” than the one I had learned. Members spoke of spiritual principles that were guides to live by. Those statements made my skin crawl, but I wanted that feeling of confidence and serenity that I witnessed. Members shared about applying the Steps and Traditions to their daily lives by finding a Sponsor and reading Conference Approved Literature (CAL). Once I became involved in service beyond the group level, a new set of ideals was presented—the Twelve Concepts of Service.
I was at an Assembly meeting session where the Twelve Concepts of Service were introduced. The focus was on understanding how our fellowship was held together despite no one being “in charge.” Over the next three years, we studied one of the Concepts at each Assembly, so that by the time our service term ended, all the Concepts had been discussed. Those meetings proved quite fruitful for me as we read and talked about how to apply these ideas in our groups.
Learning about the Concepts was like finding the last piece of a puzzle. For me, practicing the guidance found in the Steps and Traditions started in the groups I attended. This gave me confidence to practice these principles in my home. I soon realized that there is a connection between each Step, Tradition, and Concept. That helped me to continue to focus on myself as I connected with my Higher Power, my Al-Anon family, my personal family, my work family, and my community. Being open to the idea of practicing these principles in all my affairs changed my mind and my thinking!
I practiced the Concepts in my home in baby steps. I first had to accept that we were all equals with specific responsibilities and talents. As someone lacking humility, that was no easy task! I had been keeping my family and my work life separate from my recovery. Breaking through those barriers by applying the Concepts created a whole new dynamic.
Concept One helps me to trust the decisions of the group with the understanding that our focus is always on providing help and hope to the newcomer when they finally reach our meeting. I can likewise trust the decisions made as a family because we talk to each other and reason things out. I have even been successful using Concept One in work situations to help focus on departmental priorities instead of pointing fingers at what others do or don’t do.
Focusing on Concept Two helps me to trust the process, whatever it is. I am not in charge of the process, and I did not create it, but I am responsible for doing my part by sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I do not need to be concerned about the outcome, because that is not my responsibility.
Concept Three is about listening to and respecting the ideas of others in order to make informed decisions. Some decisions may not be well received, but when I consider the greatest good for the greatest number, the focus of the responsibility shifts from “me” to “we.”
The ability to share, listen, and hear everyone’s voice as part of a discussion is key in Concept Four. This makes me equal to everyone else; I trust that I will be heard even as I commit to listen to others. I need to take on this risk to share in that process.
Concept Five is about flexibility and respecting the dissenting voice, especially when it’s mine. Voicing a different opinion about a situation does not necessarily mean anything will change, but I need to be true to myself and share my perspective, then trust the greater group conscience regardless of the outcome.
The words “acknowledge” and “responsibility” in Concept Six help me to figure out who is the decision-maker in a given situation. Concept Six reminds me that it is not always me; in fact, most times it isn’t me!
Concept Seven is about shared leadership so that each of us know what our duties are, and Concept Eight encourages me to be trustworthy and helps me trust those to whom I delegate specific tasks. My responsibility is to ensure they have the information and tools they need to be successful.
Concept Nine helps me to focus on how I relate to those around me at home, at work, and in service. Sometimes, roles can be rotated so that others have an opportunity to learn new skills!
Minding my own business comes to mind when practicing Concept Ten. I know how much I dislike it when someone watches over my shoulder, criticizing my every move. Letting others follow their path in their own way is an opportunity to practice loving detachment.
Concept Eleven reminds me that “many hands make light work.” As we serve, we choose for various positions those who have the skill sets needed to be successful. Creating an environment of respect and trust while remaining flexible can lead to positive outcomes.
Finally, when I presume goodwill, show mutual respect, participate fully, and treat others as equals, Concept Twelve comes alive. By staying connected to a Higher Power, I can think, act, and live by these spiritual principles in all my affairs.
Breaking through these barriers by integrating the Concepts into my personal life added a new dynamic to my recovery program.
By Sue P., Associate Director—Group Services
“Inside Al-Anon Family Groups” presents news, policy, and commentary from volunteers, staff and readers sharing experience through service. Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.